Use just once and destroy

 

A nice snack on the weekend! Ginkgo nuts and a negroni.  Ginkgo is a very interesting -- the first line on its wikipedia page says that ginkgo is a "highly unusual non-flowering plant" and regarded as a "living fossil."  It is recognizable in fossils from 270 million years ago.  Whoa!  Anyhow, the trees smell awful, and the nuts have the same toxin as poison ivy/sumac, so it is very irritating to the skin.  More poison information!  There are cases of seizures and death from overeating ginkgo nuts, even properly cooked.  They say you shouldn't eat more than 10 a day, and do not eat them every day.  Whoa!  One very interesting fact is that when Hiroshima was bombed, four gingko trees within the city had zero damage and still live to this day, almost 70 years later.  Aside from the wild history and health risks of eating ginkgo, it supposedly has health benefits when eaten in moderation.  The taste is delicious -- maybe a bit between popcorn and peanuts, with a slight burnt taste.  You roast the nuts in a shell until they pop, and then pull out a green, soft center to eat.  Mmm ~

Poison lunch .. I was eating maybe a bit too much ginkgo, and Sunday I found I had debilitating stomach cramps.  Whoa!  I am attributing it to either the ginkgo or the negroni intake.  Negroni is quite scrumptious -- I first heard of them here in Japan.  It is a cocktail made from equal parts gin, sweet vermouth, and campari.  I replace the sweet vermouth with dry when I make them at home.  It is a bit of an acquired taste, as vermouth and especially campari are quite bitter.  The word vermouth comes from wormwood, which is an herb that was previously used to flavor it.  They are both fortified wines which have herbs and spices steeped in them to add flavor.  The flavors compliment the gin that they go with.  Really, quite delicious.  So, since my stomach death, I am doing a bit of a science experiment .. removing ginkgo from my diet, and then removing negroni from my diet, and seeing which is the culprit.  Either way, I don't foresee myself relinquishing either.

   

This is a non-lethal tasty Japanese food called ochadzuke.  It is rice soup with sesame pieces and seaweed.  The really interesting and delicious aspect of it is that the soup is really just pure green tea.  Whoa! I think this is the Japanese equivalent of coming home drunk from the bar let's get a piece of pizza on the way home.  I think it is a common joke that it isn't food, but a drink. Anyhow, a nice snack.

I am in a bit of a comfortable routine here, but without the negative connotations of the word.  I am really challenging myself as an artist I feel, also taking care of myself on a personal, spiritual, and interpersonal level, though maybe a bit negligent on a caloric level, that is to say, not eating enough.  Most evenings look a bit like this, a cup of coffee, negroni (or other unhealthy beverage), some magazines, and miscellaneous painting and drawing implements scattered on the floor, Tom Waits or Cat Power coming through the speakers.

 

Pushing yourself artistically is potentially a slippery slope of hurt feelings and frustration.  It is important to detach emotionally from the work and try to view it as a series of studies and practices, which you can analyze objectively to better your work.  Bad drawings do not reflect on me as a person, right? No matter what, it is art, it is beautiful when people truly and lovingly devote themselves to developing something, anything, whatever it may be.  Especially in affluent society, where goods and feelings are mass produced, consumed, and disregarded, personal devotion to projects takes on a new depth and meaning.  For that reason I want to live my life to create and appreciate things that are lovingly created by others.  This is not just drawing or painting -- it includes music, a clean house, good clothing, artisan work, alcohol, food.

Kurt Cobain talked about this a lot, a big message in his music.  "Use just once and destroy."  Nirvana's biggest single ironically was all about this "Smells like Teen Spirit."  Teenage angst, anger, and it is marketed as a deodorant called teen spirit.  Profound and pervasive emotions marketed as a deodorant!  In another song, he talks about "he is the one who knows all our pretty songs and he likes to sing along and he likes to shoot his gun, but he knows not what it means."  This refers to his profound message being chewed up and consumed without any understanding by people.  This is the reason for his suicide (not sure if I think Courtney did it or not).  In a sense, Cobain's later lyrics were about everything being co-opted by a market, creating a sort of mindlessly consuming middle class.  Really interesting.  The fact that he committed suicide (again, supposedly) reminds me of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.  A person who is supporting the world decides to drop it all because the world is ungrateful.  The person with the greatest gift takes it away because it is not appreciated.  To wrap this up, Cat Power has a beautiful song called "I don't blame you," where she tells Kurt Cobain she doesn't blame him for committing suicide .. saying that it really was hopeless to try to reach that crowd.

  The greatest man!