bedroom eyes

earlier this week my friend i was walking home from work and my friend mathieu was hanging in front of the house, real antsy. he was feeling really stressed about being here in spain, not finding work, and doing nothing all day long. he is from nigeria and he's been here 9 months, still struggling with spanish. i know how it can be really stressful and humiliating to be in an environment where you can't communicate .. so i asked him if we could hang out after lunch. we went out to the parc de catalunya, and then out around town, eventually ending up at the library. he was telling me about his frustration at the wasting of human resources in africa, and particularly in nigeria, that he and his friends have degrees, willingness to work, but the government corruption is crippling the country's wealth. after we walked around for a few hours, and ran into other friends, he felt a lot better. it was a really close experience, we have a special friendship now. ironically, two days later, two filmmakers came to our house to see how it functions and to interview some of the immigrants about their experiences. they had stayed in congo and made a documentary about boys who are kicked out of their houses and live in the street. pretty wild stuff! sometimes i doubt the meaningfulness of my being here, but mathieu actually approached me about the topic, ironically i hadn't even brought it up! he said i had really calmed him in his anxiety (which was pretty severe!!) and that is the first step of a true humanitarian, to connect with people individually and comfort them. really meaningful to me, because that is my goal, which i suppose i indirectly accomplished. he told me he wants to succeed in life so he can be a philanthropist, to help others. real powerful! thursday i went out to see "let the right ones in" with ayuk. it was super good, swedish vampire movie, creepy, psychological, snowy. it made me miss ohio's weather! haha. i guess i'll get a taste of it in february. we had a good time though, ayuk told me he was inspired by the head vampire, whatever that means! maybe i should watch out for him .. .. haha. last night i met a friend at the alliance francaise, alianza francesa, french alliance, which is a french speaking group here in sabadell. they host discussions, classes, movies, etc. sort of a french presence in the city. anyhow, we met there for a few, and she invited me to a bar, el morosko, later that evening. i came home, read and had dinner, then went out to the bar. lotsa fun, met all of her friends. one is a drummer (potential jam session!), a painter, and another .. .. a wedding dress designer! haha. it was a total fluke that i hung out with them, but lotsa fun. i hope i can go out with them again. 2 beers, 3 glasses of wine, and 1 shot later (i forget the name of the shot, which is a bad sign) i took off to go home, which is conveniently two blocks away. my favorite sign of debauchery is having purple on my lips from the wine last night. don't worry, i swear i'm a moral, upright person! today i'm off to barcelona to meet javi, clara, and celia. we're going to walk around i suppose, do the normal, and then i'm staying the night at javi's. sleepover! tomorrow i'll probably hang out in barcelona for a bit and come back home. i feel it's some kind of wrongdoing that i live 20 minutes away from barcelona and i still haven't been yet. i've been there in the past, but not yet during this jaunt. tomorrow gerald and i are going out to draw and paint in the street, should be fun. i picked up a small, collapsible chair to take with me. my next goal is to find a scanner to upload some of these drawings! a few nights ago i did a self portrait called "bedroom eyes," after the converge song "jane doe." it has this sort of sense of being lost, hopeful, but ultimately disappointed. many evenings in my life i've left the house to encounter something, feeling very open to any experience, but ultimately feeling fooled and disappointed. the converge song, "roaming the streets with bedroom eyes, just dying to be saved" really rings to me. bedroom eyes, which i think of in a context of love, reserved for privacy, intimacy, and closeness, but exposed to the hustle and bustle of the street, ultimately disregarded. on a daily basis, we see more people that we dont know, than those we do. the odds are stacked! off to breakfast and then barcelona. adeu!